With the English Premier League (EPL) set to embark on a fresh season, everyone is speculating about what might happen in the months to come.
Well, we decided to take a different tack and look at things that we wager will NOT happen, come what may, in the 2015-16 EPL season. (Note: this has been written in a lighter vein and with no personal animosity towards any of the clubs or persons mentioned) Van Gaal sticking to a standard formation…or swapping his notepad for an iPad They might call him the best manager in the world (and we suspect that he would agree) in Louis Van Gaal’s books, constancy – well, of formation, anyways – is not a virtue. The Manchester United boss chops and changes team line ups at the drop of a hat. And we expect that to continue this season. 4-4-2? 3-6-1? 3-5-2? 1-1-1-6-1? We wager you will see different numerical combinations and permutations, all of which add up to ten at Old Trafford this year.
Brendan Rodgers playing players in well…their normal positions If Van Gaal likes to change formations, his counterpart at Liverpool, Brendan Rodgers, has a penchant of playing players in strange position – we are still trying to come to terms with seeing midfield supremo Steven Gerrard (now across the Atlantic, alas) playing as a centre forward. So what will it be this year? Coutinho as a defensive midfielder? Milner as a sweeper? Sturridge in goal? With Brendan there, it might well happen. Gareth Barry and Wayne Rooney not getting yellow cards….and maybe even red ones But a football in front of them and Messrs Rooney and Barry are capable of brilliance. Put an opposition player with a football within range and their common sense goes flying out of the window. Both have accumulated almost 200 yellow cards between them (Barry is the only EPL player past a hundred) in the EPL and we wager they will add to them substantially before the season runs out.
Managers accepting international calendars happily “Country comes first”? Hah, there’s little chance that the EPL bosses’ hearts will beat with patriotism as they see their leading players being pulled into national duty come the qualifiers for Euro 2016 and other tournaments. Stay tuned for a lot of arguments about players being released for national team duties, and disputes about injuries picked up in the line of club and country. It’s Nation vs Mammon time again.
Jose Mourinho ruling out conspiracies There is a very decent chance that the Chelsea boss will end up with more silverware by the end of the current season. But what we are certain he will NOT end up with is believing that there are no conspiracies in the football establishment and/or the media against his beloved club. Will he accuse referees of being in the pay of the Mafia? Will he blame Sir Alex for scaring his players in the bathrooms? Will he bring UFOs into the discussion? We would not be in the least surprised.
Cesc Fabregas and Eden Hazard falling only when actually tackled Yes, we love the silken touches, turn of speed and delectable passing skills of Messrs. Fabregas and Hazard but Chelsea’s dynamic duo (we would have Fabregas as Batman, incidentally) also have a penchant of going to ground the moment an opposition player breather in their vicinity. Yes, Jose Mourinho might rage that referees are aligned in a conspiracy against them (check point above), but somehow we don’t think this will make the twosome any less fall-ible. Literally. Players and managers not putting their keyboards in their mouths on social networks From Joey Barton to Mario Balotelli, the world of social networks has tripped up many a footy celeb. And we do not see this changing this season, not least because a lot of football players seem to have taken to social media with a zest which has made some managers frown in disapproval (there is a rumour that some people in the Arsenal dressing room were not too happy with Lucas Podolski spending too much time on Instagram – and off he went to Turkey!). So watch those social networks for some gaffes! Managers lasting till Christmas What do you think managing an EPL club is? A government job with fixed wages and a comfortable pension? Perish the thought. Rare is the season that does not pass with a few sackings of gaffers. And we reckon that come Christmas (yes, THAT early), we will be seeing some new names in charge of clubs in the EPL. Charlie Adam realising that long range shots are futile Yes, we can wager parts of our wages that Stoke City’s Charlie Adam will be on the scoresheet more than a few times this season, but what we can bet almost all of our wages on is the fact that none of those goals will be routine. You see, our Charlie does not believe in keeping things simple. Not for him the header into goal from close range. Nay, this is the man who beat Courtois from his own half last season. Goalkeepers will quail and crowds roar every time he winds up to take a shot – and the further away he hammers it from, the greater the chance of his scoring. He is like that. Arsene Wenger having an amiable relationship with his jacket zipper No, dear Puma, we don’t care how many ads you make highlighting how smoothly the zips on your jackets work, we are sure Arsenal’s Arsene will figure out a way to get caught between the links. And of course, will inspire a host of Memes and Vines. A sad place the Internet would be without Wenger zipping by…...
Source: www.indianexpress.com
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